Rise and Shine

Can we talk for a moment about alarm clock etiquette? The following bullet points are examples of how to NOT handle the alarm clock issue when you live and sleep with other humans, provided you want to maintain healthy relationships with those humans:

> Buy the loudest alarm clock you can find, and set it to the loudest, most obnoxious setting.

> Better yet, buy two and put one of them all the way across the room so someone has to actually get out of bed to deal with it's loud and obnoxious beeping.

> Set both alarm alarm clocks every night. Realizing that the snooze timer is 9 minutes, be sure to set the alarms four minutes apart so there is an obnoxious loud beeping at least every 5 minutes (one of which requires a trip across the room to silence)

> When you are setting the aforementioned alarm clock, make sure you set them at least an hour before you have any intention of actually getting up.

> When the first obnoxious loud beeping starts remember that you don't really need to get up and DON'T MOVE. Remains silent and still, forcing your spouse to roll over and hit the snooze button for you.

> When, five minutes later, the second loud and obnoxious beeping starts DON'T MOVE. Let that alarm blare until your spouse has to GET OUT OF BED AND WALK ACROSS THE ROOM to silence the alarm. (Let's back up a moment and remember that you told said spouse that you must "be to work on time" so she doesn't dare to just turn the loud obnoxious thing off)

> Repeat this cycle every five minutes.

> In the event that your spouse gets annoyed enough to attempt to make YOU get out of bed to deal with your own alarm, act beligerent and mean, making ceiled threats which you will then claim later not to remember making because you "were sleeping."

> Finally, once your spouse has gotten out of bed and left the room, and on the weekends, let both alarms blare for HOURS, knowing full well that both alarms are loud and obnoxious enough that they can be heard THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE - for HOURS.

> Repeat this scenario daily for twelve years, fearing that a lack of consistency might disappoint your spouse.

Perhaps tomorrow we can address another sticky situation - sharing a desk.