Rise and Shine

Can we talk for a moment about alarm clock etiquette? The following bullet points are examples of how to NOT handle the alarm clock issue when you live and sleep with other humans, provided you want to maintain healthy relationships with those humans:

> Buy the loudest alarm clock you can find, and set it to the loudest, most obnoxious setting.

> Better yet, buy two and put one of them all the way across the room so someone has to actually get out of bed to deal with it's loud and obnoxious beeping.

> Set both alarm alarm clocks every night. Realizing that the snooze timer is 9 minutes, be sure to set the alarms four minutes apart so there is an obnoxious loud beeping at least every 5 minutes (one of which requires a trip across the room to silence)

> When you are setting the aforementioned alarm clock, make sure you set them at least an hour before you have any intention of actually getting up.

> When the first obnoxious loud beeping starts remember that you don't really need to get up and DON'T MOVE. Remains silent and still, forcing your spouse to roll over and hit the snooze button for you.

> When, five minutes later, the second loud and obnoxious beeping starts DON'T MOVE. Let that alarm blare until your spouse has to GET OUT OF BED AND WALK ACROSS THE ROOM to silence the alarm. (Let's back up a moment and remember that you told said spouse that you must "be to work on time" so she doesn't dare to just turn the loud obnoxious thing off)

> Repeat this cycle every five minutes.

> In the event that your spouse gets annoyed enough to attempt to make YOU get out of bed to deal with your own alarm, act beligerent and mean, making ceiled threats which you will then claim later not to remember making because you "were sleeping."

> Finally, once your spouse has gotten out of bed and left the room, and on the weekends, let both alarms blare for HOURS, knowing full well that both alarms are loud and obnoxious enough that they can be heard THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE - for HOURS.

> Repeat this scenario daily for twelve years, fearing that a lack of consistency might disappoint your spouse.

Perhaps tomorrow we can address another sticky situation - sharing a desk.

Big Sigh

I said something to someone I love - my husband - that I didn't mean. It came out not at all like what I was meaning to say, and what DID come out was harsh and unthinking. I know I hurt his feelings. In his shoes, mine would have been very hurt, I would have been angry. I explained that isn't what I meant. I apologized. I still feel bad. It doesn't help that we haven't been connecting very well lately. I feel bad.

Sometimes I wish life had a rewind button.

That's Debatable

Many years ago, when my children were all small, I participated in an online debate forum. Oh things would get heated, sometimes mean. Any forum that discussed a mothering choice would tend to get particularly nasty - breast versus bottle, stay at home or working mother, to spank or not to spank. In those forums, it was gloves off to win the battle at any cost for many. Myself included sometimes. I certainly wear no halo.

Recently I had some discussion in a blog I stumbled upon some time ago. It isn't a debate blog, it's just a mom sharing her life. She'd posted about a parenting issue, and I disagreed with her style. I posted in the comments. I did my best to be respectful and to be sure I presented my opinion as simply that - MY opinion. It resulted in another commenter, who disagreed with me, assigning to me things I had not said at all. Just because s/he disagreed with me. I guess s/he felt the need to fabricate things because s/he disagreed with me, a tactic I'd seen many times years ago in those debate forums, and which was a pet peeve than and still is now. Eventually, there was a mock apology -you know the kind, where they say "I"m sorry, but you gave me that impression" instead of "I'm sorry, I made things up to make my point." Much like one of those "I'm sorry you feel that way" non-apologies. And instead of feeling like I needed to follow up on this, to call that person to the carpet as I would have years ago. I'm just done with it. And as simple as this little exchange is, it taught me some things about myself. And THAT, I guess, is my point.

at 42, I've grown up. I no longer enjoy arguing things for the sake of arguing (did a lot of that on those old debate boards). I've definitely learned that there are a gazillion different parenting styles that will work, and that sometimes mine do and sometimes they don't. When they don't, I try again. I've learned that, if it is irritating, I just step away. It isn't worth it. I still enjoy the exchange and discussions, but if the tactics turn away from open, honest and friendly to something else, then it's best to just step away and let it be. I'm not going to cause a big revelation in someone through a blog comment. And now I have grown up enough to do that and not feel like I'm letting someone else win.

It's good to grow up.